This morning, in a fit of anger, I blogged about a woman I saw on the train, wearing a fur coat. One of my favorite vintage seller named Shirley (a.k.a. KlassyKlassics on etsy.com) is also a follower of my blog. Shirley and I became email friends because I had purchased a vintage coat from her. I had told Shirley about my blog because whenever I buy vintage items, I like to post pictures of them with the link so as to drive business to the seller’s Etsy Shop. In addition to selling vintage clothing and household items, Shirley is a mother and a grandmother. When Shirley read my post this morning, she became alarmed. She worried that I might be one of those radical animal rights activists. You know the type of activist who give animal rights a bad rep because they do things like throw red paint on women wearing fur coats.
I fully admit, seeing that woman in a fur coat this morning really hit a nerve. As a result, I was rude to the woman. I didn’t say anything to her but I did cut her off in line when boarding the train. I realize now, after emailing with Shirley, that what I did was a very passive-aggressive maneuver. What can I say, it wasn’t my finest hour. Sometimes, when faced with conflict, I don’t always know how to react. It would seem for me anyway, it is always after the fact when I learn how I could have handled a particular situation. :-/
Anyway, Shirley’s advice was to try a different approach. Rather than become upset or angry, why not try educating the person.
In Shirley’s words,
…I just thought a softer way to get your point across would have been better… She probably doesn’t have a clue/never been taught to be aware of the cruelty involved in that coat getting on the rack… Like I said yesterday in my email to you…why don’t we have more talk shows/educational channels on this topic… Maybe you could help educate this person….that would be a great thing. If you kept pamphlets in your bag and when you see this person/or someone else wearing fur on the train hand her one. She might read it/might not if she’s an idiot but you then have done something you can feel good about. This message does need to get out there, I am all for that but it has to be done in a way that the person doesn’t feel they are being judged or attacked… I agree that there is no excuse for wearing fur in this day and age! She probably is aware that it is wrong but she chooses to stick her head in the mud and not know the ugly details involved… She might be choosing to NOT know the ugly details involved but then again maybe no one has ever told her… Educating people on this topic is so important but where to start? Not everyone can afford college….some people just don’t care and will never care even if they are educated. Some people are trying to just make it through the day. The world is full of people with attitudes like Gentry’s attitude toward Cubby and there are millions of other people who just don’t care. I care/You care…
You know what? Shirley is absolutely 100% right. Why fall into the category of extreme when I could gently educate this woman on her misstep. It may or may not have a positive outcome but leading with kindness rather than anger is always a better strategy. Next time, by taking a kinder approach, I may have a more positive results (hopefully). After all, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar right? (Or is it bees?)
I have to admit, I admire Shirley for her honesty. She didn’t have to say anything at all. She could have quietly disapproved from a distance.
I do feel it necessary to mention that I am always open to learning. In fact, I work with a woman who is also my mentor. Her name is Lucille. Lucille is always counseling me on how to be the best I can be at my job. I take the advice freely and openly even if the advice is mixed with criticism because how else can I learn and improve myself if I don’t listen to the criticism? Lucille once told me that one of my strengths is that I am always open to criticism. That I take the criticism well, using it to change. But why wouldn’t I? I mean, how could I possibly strive to be a better person if I didn’t take the outside advice from people, even if that advice hurts?
In closing, Shirley quickly realized my stance on animal rights was going off the rails. As a result, she honestly admitted her disdain for what I said. When I asked her about it, she proceeded to put me back on track as I outlined above. I haven’t known Shirley for very long, but clearly she cares enough to prevent me and my cause from looking foolish.
Shirley, if you are reading this post, allow me to take this moment to give you a big heartfelt THANK YOU!!!! 
Best,
GE
Hey GE, We all have been where you are. The fact that you are open to listening to your friend’s wise advice shows your humility…a wonderful and valuable trait. When we feel strongly about something, as you do about animal cruelty, of course our emotions will rise like the phoenix! We are so much bigger than our emotions, though. Something it took me a long time to realize and then to put into action. You are on your way! Kudos to you for putting it out there!
Wow BP, you have NO idea how much I appreciate your kind words. I felt like such a fool last night. What transpired yesterday weighed heavy on my mind. I spent the night lying in bed ruminating over the how and why. I even thought about taking a break from blogging and animal rights. Usually, every morning when I arrive into work (early) I check the news feeds for animal stories. This morning I made a conscious decision to not read the feeds. I think all the horrible stories are really starting to get to me which is a sign I need to step back and reset myself.
Thanks again for responding. Reading your comment has made me feel better already.
Best,
GE
I’m happy my words were of some comfort. Please don’t let this one little slip make you give up your cause…it’s such a worthy endeavor. Also, please don’t let it put out the fire of your passion…just maybe redirect it. You have no idea what a difference you are making in opening our awareness that we all need to be involved in the caring and comfort of animals (and people)! I’m in the middle of writing a post that talks about how we don’t realize the difference we can make in each others lives by just the smallest word or act. I was inspired by another blogger’s comment to me. I hope to get it out next week. I’m taking the weekend off! Have a lovely, my dear.
That’s fantastic! I cannot wait to read about it.
Have a wonderful time off.
Best,
GE
i agree w/you “and yours” (the anti-fur segment of the population). we’ve got a weird quandry in our house … my wife inherited what seems to be a “nice” (thick, warm, well-maintained (not ‘worn’ nor frayed) … yes, fur coat. her attitude is, it’s “there”, we have it, might as well occasionally wear around the house when it’s cold.
same thing with leather — i knew a group of people who were, among other PETA-endorsed sentiments, very anti-leather. at the time i had a coat which was a gift and i had been wearing for years. i could sense the derogatory vibe from that group whenever i was wearing that coat …
I was not born a vegan and I would venture a guess that my fellow vegans fall into that same category. What that means is, most of us own non-vegan clothing . My winter coat, which I purchased back in 2004 at Syms, is wool. As is the vintage coat I recently purchased. I also own a leather coat which I purchased back in the late 1990s. My feeling is simply this: as a vegan, I refuse to purchase anything “New” that is derived of an animal. I believe in re-purposing what is already out there. In regards to fur. I too own a fur coat, it belonged to my Nonna. I refuse to wear it because it goes against my moral fiber. Fur coats are made from animals who suffered solely for the purpose of their fur. Leather is a byproduct of the meat industry, as is wool. That’s not to say one is more justified than the other because anything that is derived from animals is cruel. There is not justification for the needless suffering of innocent animals just so someone can walk around in their fur.
In reality, no matter how hard I try to be a vegan and mindful of my choices and purchases, bottom line is, even I cannot escape animal byproducts. I recently learned that the tires contain animal byproducts and I own a car. The house i live in was built with horse hair plaster. The fertilizer I use for my garden was made from animal waste, so you see, even as a vegan, I cannot escape animal byproducts.
Bottom line: I do what I can to no support the industries that rely on the suffering of innocent animals who suffered at the hands of human and treated as nothing more than a commodity. If your wife chooses to wear a vintage fur coat, then best of luck to her, but in this day and age, I couldn’t do it. Which is why I no longer wear my leather coat.
A follower of my blog called me and PETA maniacal. I found it interesting that she was offended by my judgment of a woman wearing a fur coat, and yet passed no judgement on the industry that made that fur coat. People like me and PETA care about the injustices to animals who have no voice and no ability to fight back. People like me are the voice of the voiceless and yet, people are quick to judge us, and criticize us, and accuse us of being maniacal as if we are the enemy. As if we are the ones committing the egregious acts toward animals. Where is the judgement on the industry that traps and tortures innocent foxes, minks, baby seals etc… just so some human can wear their fur? Where is the judgement? Why arent these people being called maniacal? Why are those like me, who oppose the status quo viewed as the problem. IMHO disliking animal rights activists such as PETA is like blaming the rape victim instead of the rapist. As I’ve said in another post, if a person choose to eat beef, pork, veal, chicken, fish et al. then it is their moral imperitive to watch EARTHLINGS. It seems only fair that you see where your food is coming from and how that animal suffered. Additionally, if you are going to wear fur, which includes Vintage fur, then here again, it is your moral imperitive to watch EARTHLINGS. I refuse to accept the mantra of “I don’t want to know”. People need to know. They need to wake up and see. They need to learn that our oceans which are the lungs of this planet, are dying. People need to stop narcotizing themselves with reality TV and Addictive shopping and start making changes, otherwise the our planet has no future.
In closing, thanks for commenting on my blog.
Best,
GE