BLAME

Today I was reading a blog that I follow and well, you know how it goes, one blog leads to another and then another and then… I happened upon this blog.  As I read through the bloggers earlier posts, I found a post that really resonated with me.  The post is about: Blame.

In the past, I have been blamed for things, as I’m sure at one time or another; most of you out there have been as well.  Of course, we are not always aware of the blame until word gets back to you, like it did to me.  My infraction?  I was blamed for the deterioration of a friendship. When the friendship ended, I had thought it ended on a rather honest note — there was no argument, no harsh words, no mudslinging or the like.  I closed the book on our friendship and made a conscious effort to own what is mine, learn from the experience and move forward. If there is one thing I can say with the utmost certainty is this: in any situation, I always own what is mine – always.  People will often hear me say, “…even if 98% is the fault of the other person, 2% is mine so I have to own it…” — and I do, believe you me, I do.  Since 2006, I have been working very hard to own what is mine – in every scenario.

I’m not the type of person who likes to air her dirty laundry to all and sundry. I also do not need to amass an army of people to stand behind me when I have a falling out with someone because I am strong enough to stand on my own. The causes of the falling out are too many to list and too personal; however, I will say this, we each share responsibility in the falling out — it wasn’t all me.  Unlike some, I do not have the energy or the imagination to trump up charges and lies so as to convince everyone that I am a victim. I don’t do *victim* it’s not how I roll.  [Besides, I have always been of the belief that he who screams the loudest is guilty.] My timeenergy and thoughts are far too precious to waste on people who no longer matter to me. If my accuser(s) chooses to blame me, well then to that I say, “Thank you!” because just like 3kids2cats1divorce.com says in this post, you have given me your power.  Nicely done! I’ll take it.

***

To sum up *blame*, my feelings are simply these:  instead of casting blame, hurling insults and telling lies, why not take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what is the motivation behind slandering someone? What is to be gained? What is to be lost? And lastly, what is missing from your life that drives the need to tear someone down?

Rather than sling mud, I prefer to soul search and get to the root of my feelings and why I am having them. Anyone out there who feels the need to blame, lie, and insult really ought to think about what’s driving their emotions. I’m serious. For anyone who feels the urge to lash-out in a irrational manner, why not take a step back, breath, and then sit down and figure out what’s going on with you, not your target, just you.  I mean it, do your homework, you cannot fudge this. Trust me, since 2002 I have learned a shit-ton of life lessons, but it wasn’t until 2006 that I decided to really sit down and DO. THE. WORK.  So go on and  figure out where you fit into the grand scheme. And when you’re finished with that, do something selfless so as to gain some much needed perspective but don’t brag about it. In fact, don’t tell anyone, just do it because you want to be a better person and you care deeply about helping others, not because you want the accolades and atta-boys.

And lastly, stop wasting time acting like a person who exhibits the symptoms of someone suffering from arrested development. Instead, when you feel the urge to blame, lie, and insult as well as retaliate, why not do as I have recommended above and then to further your growth, do any one of (or all) the suggestions I have outlined below:

1.)   Get a hobby;

2.)   Take up a sport;

3.)   Volunteer

4.)   Call a therapist;

5.)   Go back to school

And last, but not least importantly, ACT LIKE AN ADULT AND OWN WHAT’S YOURS!!!!!  I MEAN SERIOUSLY! With all that is going on in the world, you have to go and create such trivial insipid drama, spreading poison, lies and fostering hate? Really????  I don’t know about you, but I’ve got better things to do with my life.

And in the words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.” 

 

5 thoughts on “BLAME

  1. I’m fine with people dealing out crap and such as long as they own it and know it’s theirs. Sometimes people just need to vent.
    But, there has to be a level of respect for who they are and being able to admit where they are at. You can’t start blaming others for your own doing. I’m all for people struggling through changes and know it’s not easy to be in a hard place, but it’s up to them to get out of that place. Or to want to get out of that place.
    I’ll support someone with all I can if they are willing. But if they just want to be flippant and lie and barf all over someone else because they have no self-awareness, it’s not up to me to change their minds. Nor is it up to me to clean up or to take their shit. I’ll deal with my pile, you deal with yours.
    x

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