I Believe in Signs. Do you?

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I have been going through a bit of a rough patch these past few weeks. Overwhelmed and unable to cope,  I began to meditate (again), and speak with my Higher Power. I have also been asking for a sign.

Well, it looks like I got what I asked for. A sign because the following email from Cheryl Richardson was waiting for me in my email inbox this morning.

“When you pour your heart out to someone in an email and they in turn use it against you and/or make fun of you, this reveals more about them than you.”  This is what my therapist said to me during our session on Saturday.

Anyway…

If you do not believe in the power of meditation, mantras as well as speaking with your Higher Power, whoever your Higher Power may be, well then sadly, you are missing out on some pretty amazing shit. If you call on your Higher Power and ask for help, be patient, listen, and the answers will come to you in the most surprising ways.

A long time ago, a spiritual person told me to write my wants and put them out there. Write them down, no matter how trivial or how impossible they may seem, and wait to see what happens.  Since that time, I have done just that and most of them have materialized in some form or another.  After my therapy session on Saturday, I wrote down my list of wants to which I keep adding as more wants occur to me.  That said, please don’t assume my *wants* are material objects like money, fancy jewels or the like – far from it.

I fully believe that by doing the work (meditation/prayer), as well as owning and accepting MY FAULTS and WRONG DOING, the only possible outcome is a positive one.

In light of the recent events, I have owned what is mine, but I cannot control or make the other party involved own what is theirs. The unspoken party  can lay all the blame at my feet, but as my Therapist says, blame is projection and denial means “Don’t Even Know I am Lying“.  Considering the web of lies and deceit the party involved has spun, I am astounded by the fact he/she is playing the role of victim.  I guess it’s true what they say, “Denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt.” I don’t understand how anyone as devious as this person can claim nolo contendere. It boggles the mind.  It is really sad because said party runs a greater risk of repeating his/her actions again in the future (and as my therapist says, will be better at it each time). Only those who accept their faults and admit wrong doing can welcome growth and in turn change.  As for me, well I have owned the role I played in all of this, as documented by my Therapist, and now I am focusing on growth. 

Do you remember that scene in The Godfather when Don Corleone says to his son Michael, “Listen, whoever comes to you with this Barzini meeting, he’s the traitor. Don’t forget that.”

Well if I may amend that a bit: Whoever screams his/her (supposed) innocence the loudest, is the guilty party. And believe you me, the other party involved is screaming!!!!

***

In closing, start and end your day with a Mantra and see how you feel. 

I have the following two mantras taped to my bathroom mirror. The first one I found and modified the second I created with my Therapist.

***

*I love and respect myself. I honor my light and forgive my shadow. I allow myself to see myself as my Higher Power does. I am loved.*

I also have this mantra taped to my mirror:

*I am letting go of my past and am focusing on myself.*

 

19 thoughts on “I Believe in Signs. Do you?

  1. Excellent post…and just the reminders I needed today. There are some excellent (and free) guided meditations on chopra.com, if you’re looking for more to add to your repertoire. I think there are even some posted from chopra.com to YouTube, if you’re a more visual person. I love the definition of denial (don’t even know they’re lying). Amen.

  2. Thanks for such a great post! I can see so much of myself and my experiences in this post, i too have had people do this to me, take things ive confided in them and then use them against me and i know how badly that can hurt, im sorry this has happened to you but you show great strength and maturity in the way you are dealing with it!! I also agree that a higher power can help you as ive been helped countless times I also love your mantras and will start using them!

    • Considering the place this person held in my life, I had expected more. I expected that whatever I said, verbal and/or in an email(s) in confidence would be held as such. I did not expect my personal thoughts and feelings to be shared and then mocked. The person I vaguely speak of in this post suffers from an emptiness that will never be filled. No matter how much effort is made to try and fill the void, it will remain just that — a void. The person lacks spiritual growth and a willingness to accept one’s own faults. I am not proud of the way I went about find the truth and I told my therapist this. Sadly, the deeper I dug, the more I uncovered: lies, deception — all of it made me sick. You think you know someone and then you find out, you never really knew the person. The person I speak of did not work alone — the two of them conspired behind my back. My therapist says they are “perfect for one another.” She also said, this isn’t the end because people like that never change, they just get better at deceiving people. I have come to realize that I am very lucky to no longer have this person in my life.

      I’ve been called some horrible names by the parties in question and all I can say is, if I am such a horrible person, then why do I spent so much of my waking hours speaking out for animals and/or rescuing strays, donating money I barely have to various animal organizations. Horrible people do not do these things.

      I was in search of the truth because one HORRIBLE person was lying! This is why I made the reference to The Godfather because the person who screams the loudest is generally the guilty party. The party in question and partner-in-crime can call me every name in the book but I wasn’t the one Who Lied. I wasn’t the one Who Deceived and I wasn’t the one leading a Double Life!

      Ooops. Sorry for the rant.

  3. i hope whoever I hope that whoever(s) it is whom has been maligning you READS this, eh? Izzit one or more people? They gotta be dip-poopy-people to NOT try to reconcile and mend. THAT’s the thing I have believed most my life – try to MEND, as soon as you can! Often it works. And sometimes it doesn’t.
    I’m doing as you suggested: write the response separately, then POST into/onto your site, as “invisible thing” was happening, as usual. Reminds me of some sort of fairy tale, or curse. Vampires don’t have reflexions in mirrors. Heh.
    You must be in general a force for planetary evolution … sometimes I think I am, but … in this life alone I don’t think I’ve experienced/seen the retributory karma from the creepy things I sometimes did in the past. Heck, I whapped a dog ‘cause it just started to poop on the rug right in front of us recently. But on the other hand, am I unintentionally cruel when (not meaning to) I take them on a ride or run which is too far? Probably not, THAT excites them, almost always. ‘til they get tired …
    Signs. i/we see a lot of signs which, perhaps jokingly, infer that THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US. The armaggedon is around the corner, disguised as a parade. We’re running out of water. And food. And dignity. And peace and quiet. And ozone. Maybe the movie ‘2012’ was off by a year or two. Actually, it is all like “Stand on Zanzibar” – it (whatever “it” is) can and will get crazier and crazier and those of us with perspective and discerning VISION will not believe that things can get worse.
    Actually, they won’t. can’t. might seem like it. I’ve been (if not meditating) considering “tortured souls” for some time. Think I have an answer, if only for myself.
    I think YOU are in and strive to continue “the good fight.” I only hope that sooner, rather than later, you’ll look over each shoulder and see you’re not alone, with your bro’s ‘n sistawz in arms either side and behind.
    it is that … (wait) …

    • The person in question had a co-conspirator. They conspired and LIED. I don’t even know the co-conspirator — we never met, and yet it is obvious co-conspirator has a huge issue with me, what else could it be.

      I have been nothing but honest and upfront with the main culprit of this story (let’s call the this person F*ck Face). F*ck Face lied and deceived me. FF also breached my trust by sharing my deepest most intimate if not painful thoughts with Co-Conspirator. Let’s call Co-Conspirator: Shit Face. During my session, I asked my Therapist WHY Shit Face would do this to me when we have never met. She said, “Does it matter? Stop trying to get inside other people’s heads as you’ll never understand their motivations.”

      FF and I had made a pact. We agreed to have one another’s back — always — no wiggle room on this. I also thought we had trust.

      When I asked FF if he shared my emails with Shit Face he said, “No.” But I knew that answer was a lie.

      I soon realized the pact we made was a joke. Friends DO NOT TREAT FRIENDS THAT WAY. F*ck Face is a liar, a deceiver and a conspirator. FF was living a double life, with aliases even. FF is a sick, empty, heartless, soulless individual who may one day comeuppance. I’m glad I am no longer friends with FF because I do not want people like that in my life.

      I have NO room in my life for LIARS.

      I’m going to focus on me, my life, my healing, my spirituality and I will continue to channel my energy for the great good of animals. FF & SF are insignificant at this point. The only reason I brought it up is because I had been asking for a sign and today I received that email.

      Going forward, I plan to only live in the now. Fuck the past and all the miscreants who took advantage of my loyalty. Screw the future as it is unknown. I’m in the now baby! 🙂

      And yes Blue and I are becoming fast friends, off-line. I sooooooooooo enjoy talking to him – he’s very smart with a grand sense of humor. He is good people. He’s the little brother I always wanted but never had. LOL!

  4. XOXO Peace will find you, because you are on its path. The person you speak of is empty and will always be, because he has fooled himself into thinking he has found peace through the sadistic joy he gets from hurting you. XOXO

    • Well said Paul, well said.

      BTW, I’ve been meaning to email you because everything you have said to me, over the past 3 weeks aligns with what my therapist has been saying. Not that I needed it, but it felt good to hear the same thing from two difference sources that I trust.

      What I find amazing is how quickly I have moved past the anger. I no longer feel angry towards him. However, on some level I do feel sorry for him. I would hate to move through life with a big empty void. How awful for him because no matter what, he will never be able to fill it UNTIL he starts accepting his faults and then admit them to others. Only then can change happen.

      With that said, I fully 100% own what I have done and will continue to own my actions — it’s all I can do.

      BTW, I had the most AMAZING meditative experience last night. I was floating, literally floating — I felt like I was flying and all of these images kept racing towards me but when I tried to lock onto them, they would slip through my hands. I had no idea about space, time, nada. I started to come back to reality when I began to feel the mattress under my butt (I like to meditate while sitting in bed). When I fully came back to reality, I looked at the clock and 30 minutes had gone by, THIRTY MINUTES!!! That is the longest I have ever meditated for. I felt so at peace that I slept like a baby — first time in weeks I might add.

      🙂

  5. I also think Anthony Hopkins put it best as his philosophy of life: “My philosophy is it’s none of business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.”

    I believe that we are all at base spiritual – that the material is an illusion constructed of ideas – and that it does make sense to connect to our higher power, or the greater unity that I believe underlies everything. Meditation helps us understand that its always now. Talking to our higher self reminds us that the world unfolds in a way that ultimately is beautiful and true. There is magic for those who have faith in the universe, and follow their heart and are willing to break with the culture and know what is true.

    • Scott! So nice to hear from you!!! I’ve missed you.

      So beautifully written Scott — as always. Believe it or not, I read that quote by Anthony Hopkins somewhere…I forget where and I absolutely LOVED it.

      The person(s) in question, and the reason for this post, no longer matter to me and I feel so completely at peace about it that it is beginning to frighten me (a little bit anyway). I hold no ill feelings towards either party. Nor do care if they hold ill-will towards me because that’s their baggage to carry, not mine.

      When I came out of my meditation last night I realized something immediately: My life is free and I am no longer bound to this person from my past. He no longer matters. My journey is forward, not backward. What happened had to happen in order for me to break free and move forward. I felt so at peace with this message that my eyes began to well up. For the first time in weeks, I feel a deep sense of contentment that I hadn’t had before.

      I also understand that people enter and exit our lives for a reason — serving their purpose and moving on. I do not begrudge or regret my past because I have learned from it and I have learned it all had to happen the way it did. Had it not, I would still be mired in it and chained to someone who no longer plays a role in my life. Does this make sense?

  6. Pingback: Starting the ball rolling | Comfortably Numb

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