I have been going through a bit of a rough patch these past few weeks. Overwhelmed and unable to cope, I began to meditate (again), and speak with my Higher Power. I have also been asking for a sign.
Well, it looks like I got what I asked for. A sign because the following email from Cheryl Richardson was waiting for me in my email inbox this morning.
“When you pour your heart out to someone in an email and they in turn use it against you and/or make fun of you, this reveals more about them than you.” This is what my therapist said to me during our session on Saturday.
If you do not believe in the power of meditation, mantras as well as speaking with your Higher Power, whoever your Higher Power may be, well then sadly, you are missing out on some pretty amazing shit. If you call on your Higher Power and ask for help, be patient, listen, and the answers will come to you in the most surprising ways.
A long time ago, a spiritual person told me to write my wants and put them out there. Write them down, no matter how trivial or how impossible they may seem, and wait to see what happens. Since that time, I have done just that and most of them have materialized in some form or another. After my therapy session on Saturday, I wrote down my list of wants to which I keep adding as more wants occur to me. That said, please don’t assume my *wants* are material objects like money, fancy jewels or the like – far from it.
I fully believe that by doing the work (meditation/prayer), as well as owning and accepting MY FAULTS and WRONG DOING, the only possible outcome is a positive one.
In light of the recent events, I have owned what is mine, but I cannot control or make the other party involved own what is theirs. The unspoken party can lay all the blame at my feet, but as my Therapist says, blame is projection and denial means “Don’t Even Know I am Lying“. Considering the web of lies and deceit the party involved has spun, I am astounded by the fact he/she is playing the role of victim. I guess it’s true what they say, “Denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt.” I don’t understand how anyone as devious as this person can claim nolo contendere. It boggles the mind. It is really sad because said party runs a greater risk of repeating his/her actions again in the future (and as my therapist says, will be better at it each time). Only those who accept their faults and admit wrong doing can welcome growth and in turn change. As for me, well I have owned the role I played in all of this, as documented by my Therapist, and now I am focusing on growth.
Do you remember that scene in The Godfather when Don Corleone says to his son Michael, “Listen, whoever comes to you with this Barzini meeting, he’s the traitor. Don’t forget that.”
Well if I may amend that a bit: Whoever screams his/her (supposed) innocence the loudest, is the guilty party. And believe you me, the other party involved is screaming!!!!
In closing, start and end your day with a Mantra and see how you feel.
I have the following two mantras taped to my bathroom mirror. The first one I found and modified the second I created with my Therapist.
*I love and respect myself. I honor my light and forgive my shadow. I allow myself to see myself as my Higher Power does. I am loved.*
I also have this mantra taped to my mirror:
*I am letting go of my past and am focusing on myself.*